"Time Is a Healer"

Time Is a Healer (sung by Eva Cassidy)

I found a picture of your smiling face
Bringing old memories
That I had locked away
The burden of anger
From a heart filled with pain
Was finally lifted
And I smiled at you again

Oh if time is a healer
And all hearts that break
Then all hearts that break
Are put back together again
'Cause love heals the wound it makes

I spoke such harsh words before our goodbye
Well I wanted to hurt you
For the tears you made you made me cry
All my hopes and dreams
Well they started vanishing
Those tender hurt feelings
Became a dangerous thing

Oh if time is a healer
If time is a healer
And all hearts that break
Then all hearts that break
Are put back together again
'Cause love heals the wound it makes (makes)

All of those years we spent together (spent together)
Well they're part of my life forever
I hold the joy with the pain
And the truth is
I miss you my friend

Well time is a healer
And all hearts that break
All hearts all hearts that break
Are put back together again
'Cause love heals the wound it makes

When Was It?

when was the last time I traveled with Mi?
Now I am trying to recall every detail of our trip to
Pantai Pasir Putih (me, Mi), early 80's?
Magelang years ago, often
Sumatra 1992
Surabaya to Oom Dan's 1998 in which she talked to him to support me!

Do I remember what she was wearing?
What did she packed to the bag?
What lunch did she bring me?
Which bottle of water did she bring along?
What stories did she tell?
Did she point where she lived long ago at Gempol?
Did she tell what movies her foster parents watched at kinos?
I have so many questions

So when I went to Singkawang with Pi, Fi, K Es, I knew what I miss and lose. All the way there and back, Pi would recall stories: the amounts of money she bought, where she stood, what she did if the motorbike would cross the small bridge.

What made her willing to endure the trips? Was it her love for others' souls that brought her there? I may never know the answer(s). But I know how people there miss her badly, but then so do I!

Please Sit Down with Me

Travel (not) Light

I always travel light to Pontianak, to where my parents’ house is. But I never called it home, considering I didn’t grow up in the equatorial city. But then where is home? I always carry a small bag along with huge hope. I can always wear Pi’s clothes or Mom’s oversized t-shirts.

But last September, I came back there carrying a small bag. I was heavy hearted.

It was the fifth time in the year that I came back there. This time to say “until we meet again” to Mi. That Sunday morning, she went to a place she called home. Indeed, she ever said, I want to have a house on earth and in heavens. She came home to her heavenly home.

How could she? I said. On Wednesday, I still talked to her. I woke up at 04.40 then made coffee and took a bath. I talked to her for a while and she prayed for me the way she always did. After that, she kissed my left and right cheek. “Now, kiss me, Son,” she inquired. I was amazed, didn’t we just kiss? So I kissed her cheeks and said bye.

Five days earlier, I witnessed her quick recovery. I was amazed (and am still). She told us plans. She said she still want to “testify the love of Jesus to many more people”. How amazing. She fought pain back with strong determination. She chose life. She ate more—much more than I ever witnessed and heard. Until today I still wonder, is it miracle?

But I’d never thought she ‘came home’ so soon. Oh, I’ve never missed her like this! Didn’t she want to meet her old acquaintances? Didn’t she eat more and was recovered? Didn’t she want to go on vacation with her children? Weren’t Bali, Miri, Singapore, and Jakarta on her list? Didn’t she herself said, she wanted to share Jesus’ love to others?

I was told, on the second morning on my fourth visit, she prayed before she slept. She said, “Lord, If I don’t wake up tomorrow, please open up the gates of heaven for me.” Apparently, her prayer was answered a week later. Perhaps, her children needed to be shown that their mother was recovering. That she ‘came home’ in good health and in joy. I guess, God loves Mi—much more than we love her. God only takes the best.